i miss the days when i had the people that i can talk to about anything. not only whats happening with my life when i need a cheering up but just talk about anything. i dont have that anymore because my trust is so limited that everyone around me, i cant talk to anymore. i used to have those people. its not because we stopped talking because we still talk. they just lost my trust. i hate being that person that is always down, but because i have no one to turn to but myself &this blog i’ve been that person. i hope in the near future i can find the people that i can be myself around &talk to about anything no matter what.
with some people around me, i feel like im being judged. i always have to watch what im saying. its like everything i say, is stupid. im always being made fun of or always being put down. people go to the level that shouldn’t be reached. i get it, im not the smartest girl out there. &sometimes when people talk to me, it feels like talking to a wall &i wont deny that i dont have those moment because i do. but i dont all the time. i do have moments when a person can talk to me about anything at all, but i can never have those moments because of who i am with.
i want to be myself. i want to feel like i can be myself again. i dont want to be the person that everyone sees. not a lot of people have seen the funny/serious/chill/stupid person that i am because they dont let me be that person. i just want to walk around my house &outside of my house &let people see who i really am, but i cant do that when there is no trust. my trust is so limited so i break down almost every night because i feel like im not me anymore.
i need a getaway to find myself again &&hopefully keep it. but i know once i come back from a getaway i need to put up the walls again. the walls have never been broken down, cause no one has ever tried.
